Of all the curses of human existence, Denial stands aloft. Denial simply means you do not (wish to) understand there is a problem… and if you do not understand, you cannot take the first step of overcoming it. You are restless, your equilibrium has gone for a toss, but you keep the voice inside of you down and drowned, in alcohol, inertia, in habit, in fear, in comfort.
We keep moving in circles, akin to a dog catching its own tail… for some it is religion, sketching our own limited contours of it… for most others it is about equating happiness with money… completely denying that there is something more, something undefined which keeps throbbing and kicking in our souls, which we either don’t pay heed to or fail to decipher… because identifying our own prejudices and contradictions, dead habits, is excruciating and painful. We have mastered the art of excusing ourselves from the crap that we spin and which ultimately comes back to us…. We are quick to judge others; the habit is like a digestive. But we have no idea who we are, how full of crap or perhaps not.
I am full of it. To be able to breathe better, digest what I eat and be the literary aficionado that I claim to be, I am often confronted with my denials. I have spent too many hours in exile to understand that I am someone who detests criticism, that I have the tendency to flip out especially if it is way upfront and adding insult to injury, the other person has not given me the same right. Also, I never tire pretending that I do not at all care who stays or leaves; I was born and I am still free… but every time someone walks out or walks away, my life falls apart and I am left to pick up the pieces and put them all back together… leaving an ill-fitted puzzle and nagging questions in its wake… So, okay, I have great expectations from those who call themselves human… and in Russell Peters’ style… what is so Off about it? And the biggest D of all is my refusal to admit that I have a Devil dwelling within me. I am so decent and docile, you see. But, yes, keeping it veiled is an exhausting but rewarding job.
Chipping away at our denials is imperative. Else our doom is imminent and lest I become a bit too preachy and arty, here’s a pint of fun… next time you think why things are going so wrong with your life, go sit on a pot, for once without your cell phone in tow and try releasing the toxic by introspecting the day’s show.